Parenting Stress

What Is Parenting Stress?

When you look at motherhood from the outside, it's easy to idealize it and see it through rose-tinted glasses: A smiling mom gazing into the eyes of her contented baby, or a young mother laughing with her kids in the park. The reality though is usually much harder and more stressful, certainly on occasion! That's not to say that us mothers don't find fulfillment in our mothering, but we can also feel the pressure mount up at times.

Parenting, and motherhood in particular is very hard work, both physically and emotionally. Perhaps it's the juggling of so many roles and tasks, coupled with the demanding nature of work with minature human beings!

Parenting stress is caused by us neglecting our own needs. I think most moms are guilty of this one, if not most of the time, certainly some of the time. We are so busy doing stuff and looking after everyone else that we have no energy left to care for ourselves. I know I have spent years going through life on auto-pilot, when I could have been taking control long ago: ignorance is my defence! I didn't know that I could sit down and think about my life and consciously plan what I wanted to achieve.

I'm now learning to live more consciously, enjoying and paying closer attention to each moment instead of always ruminating on the past or day-dreaming about the future. The only time that we can change is NOW, the present moment, so lets really be present in it! Quantam physics talks about there being many potential realities always present for us to choose from. Which reality we end up living will depend on our choices in the moment. It's really just a new habit of thinking that I'm trying to form, it requires effort and self-discipline at first, becoming easier and more natural as time goes on.

Where'd The Time Go!

Before you're a parent you think you're busy, but that's nothing compared to how busy life becomes as a mom. Society expects a lot of mothers nowerdays; or is it that we expect too much of ourselves? This is especially true of working mothers (not that all mothers don't work!). What I've certainly experienced is that no matter what work a mother may do outside of the home, she will still end up doing all or most of the work around the house. Time management skills will help you to overcome this problem.

How Do I Get Them To Behave?

Sometimes us moms are our own worst enemies, we do so much for our kids (and husbands!) that they start to believe that they can't do anything for themselves. Them sitting around being waited on becomes a pattern in the household which becomes more difficult to change with time. Psychologists call this learned helplessness.

My biggest behaviour issue with my boys is the squabbling. Great strength of character is required for the consistency of discipline that is needed to prevent or cure these prolems.

I Need Sleep!

I reckon this is the root cause of so much parenting stress. I know for myself that I can cope with most situations and stay patient when I've had enough sleep; but if I'm tired, I'm grumpy and short-tempered. Doing whatever we can to make sure we get enough sleep will go a long way to helping us cope with motherhood. The strategies you need to use will vary according to the age of your children; whether that be, taking naps with your baby during the day, or going to bed at the same time as your child. Try hypnosis to help you fall asleep fast.

Arghh...The Mess And Dirt!

Parenting stress is getting a bit too worried about keeping the house spick and span. I think we are best to deal just with the important hygiene and cleanliness issues and relax a little about the rest. Also it's good training to oblige children to clear up their own toys when they have finished playing. Obviously younger children will need help, but developing that good habit in them will pay dividends later on.

I've just started a new pocket money sytem with my eldest sons: they have to earn their allowance by doing jobs around the house. They're 9 and 12 so can manage plenty of the simpler chores. So far the money is proving to be excellent motivation!

All They Want Is Chips!

My thought is that a healthy diet is really important. Having recemtly lost over two stone and recovered my teenage body, I don't want to lose it again! I put a lot of time and effort into producing healthy and delicious meals and it definately causes me parenting stress when they turn their nose up at them.

This one is again easier to prevent than cure. A good tip for getting kids to eat vegetables is to add them to pureed pasta sauces, and hide them in other dishes like stews and shepherds' pie.

Bottom Line?

Parenting stress can be managed by us looking after ourselves and getting our minds in a good place; this coupled with a few practical measures to deal with specific issues will help a lot. What are the signs of stress? How stressed are you? Check out this free stress quiz.