Myths of Motherhood: Busted!

There are many myths of motherhood; those things that women believe about motherhood before they experience it for themselves. Part of the reason why we have so little idea what motherhood is like is because nowerdays most of us live (at least in the West) in nuclear families with maybe one or two siblings. Our extended family is likely to be scattered all over the country or maybe even abroad.

Scattered Families

In days gone by we would have lived in the same town or village with all our aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. We would have lived in a family with many children, both younger and older than us. In less developed countries this model of family still exists as I experienced in my time in Peru. As the children grow they start to learn their adult roles at a much earlier age. For example the girls will help look after their younger siblings from probably the age or seven or sooner. In this way they learn motherhood skills from a young age.

Here are nine myths of motherhood:

1. "Glowing" Pregnancy

Pregnancy is extremely physical work for your body and is usually associated with various aches and pains; not to mention sickness. Some of the ailments are:

general tiredness

breathlessness

sore breasts

bad skin

heartburn and indigestion

morning sickness

symphisis pubis (groin joint pain)

back pain

Of course you're unlikely to suffer all these ailments, but "glowing", I don't think so!!

2. You'll Instantly Bond With Your Newborn

It can happen, but it doesn't always, so this one of the myths of motherhood is unhelpful, leading to guilt and confusion for those who don't bond straight away. Be prepared to feel shell-shocked for the first few weeks, especially if the pregnancy and birth were difficult. As with any new relationship, it takes time to get to know your new addition and make that emotional bond. For more information on this go to Bond of Motherhood

3. The Baby Will Sleep Through The Night Within Weeks

This one of the myths of motherhood is the one that I've found hardest to deal with: sleep deprivation. The truth of the matter is that sometimes kids take years to sleep through the night on a consistent basis. In general bottle fed babies sleep for slightly longer periods than breast fed babies due to the fact that breast milk is digested quicker. In desperation I allowed my eldest to share my bed, but regretted it when I met Barry and needed some privacy at bed time! It took some time to get him out of that habit!

4. You'll Feel Gooey Love For Your Kids All The Time

Of course we love our children, but the way I look at it, love is a commitment to do our best by them through thick and thin, NOT a soppy happy feeling. When you're sleep deprived you're likely to have moments of really not liking that baby very much. Also when they get to the "no" stage that can be irritating, as can the belligerent, anti-social teenager stage!

5. You Can Have It All

This myth clearly comes from feminist movement, and I personally think it's completely wrong, or maybe it's just that I've misunderstood it? Let me explain myself. If the feminists believe that women can have it all during their lifespan then I absolutely agree, after all, there's nothing to stop a mother going on to have a successful career or business when her children are independent. But if they say that women can be good mothers and successful career women at the same time then I disagree. I'm realise I'm going to upset some people by saying this, but I don't see how you can give your all to a career in order to progress and achieve success; and at the same time give your children all the time, love, attention and learning that they need to thrive.

6. You'll Keep All Your Friendships

When you have a baby you're moving forward to a different stage in your life. It may be that some of your friends are not ready to move with you and you may find those friendships fall by the wayside. You'll also find that you'll make new friends who are moms with new babies, both at anti-natal classes and baby and toddler groups.

This one of the myths of motherhood is fed to us by the celebrities who have babies and seem to get back to super-skinny in a couple of weeks. They don't live a real life though, they have personal trainers and nutritional consultants, nannies etc! The reality is that You're not going to be bothered in the early weeks and months to do what's required to get back in shape; you'll be too busy caring for the baby! I've only just got back to my pre-babies size, after nearly twelve years!

8. The Kids Will Love You Spending Loads of Time With Them

This is another of the myths of motherhood. Sometimes kids just want some space to be on their own and play in their own way. It can be tempting to direct children's every waking moment, wanting them to get the most out of each day; but that is robbing them of learning opportunities that are to be found in free play. I found in my childcare work that the children really enjoyed the freedom to make up their own imaginative games and all they wanted me to do was provide some props. This kind of play helps children to work through issues in their lives.

9. Motherhood Is Fully Satisfying

This is one of the most common myths of motherhood. I'm sure that some women do find that motherhood alone is enough to satisfy them, but personally I found after a while I needed something else to stimulate my mind. When my first husband and I returned to the UK I had to work as his English was limited, but even later after my second son was born and I separated, it wasn't long before I yearned for something other than home and child related tasks.

The upshot of all this is that motherhood is something that is full of changes and surprises. The better we look after ourselves and keep ourselves happy and healthy, the more we'll enjoy motherhood.

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