Long Distance Parenting

Long distance parenting is a challenge but it is possible to maintain a relationship with your children when they don't live with you.

What Is Long Distance Parenting?

It's heart-breaking when you can no-longer live with your children. This is mostly a situation in which men find themselves, but there are many mothers too; I'm one of them. It can come about following a divorce, one parent moving away, or one parent travelling much of the time.

My Story

My separation from my two eldest sons happened in the midst of a horrible court battle. I wanted to restrict contact for my ex because of what my sons had told me had gone on under his care. He made a counter application for custody and got it because the boys kept quiet when interviewed by the police. I had the additional worry of handing my children over to someone I thought had abused them.

What Does It Feels Like?

What it feels like is impossible to overstate. It feels like someone has ripped out your heart. I was plunged into depression and needed anti-depressants to help me sleep. The emotional pain was with me all the time and took away all enjoyment from my life. My mind was constantly ruminating on what had happened.

I needed to look after myself in order to be able to support my children. In the early days talking about the situation with family and friends helped, but a big part of the problem was my feeling of being out of control of my life. I found it impossible to understand what had happened.

What You Focus On Expands

I didn't realise it at the time, but I was probably making things worse for myself by dwelling on the bad situation all the time. I have since learned of a universal law which states that what you focus on expands. Therefore the bad situation was gaining more power by my focussing on it all the time.

Focus On What You Want

I decided to take back control of my life, by taking control of my mind. I decided to focus on what I wanted my life to be like, and also be grateful for the good things that I already had in my life. I found this a powerful way of dealing with the negative emotions.

Your Ideal Life

I sat down and wrote out a detailed description of my ideal life and it got me so excited. Then I figured out some concrete goals and actions I could take in order to get me closer to my ideal life. The great thing is I'm much closer to living my ideal life since doing those things.

Maintaining The Parenting Relationship

Clearly maintaining your relationship with your child is really important for their emotional wellbeing and yours. There are a few strategies to use and also helpful technologies.

Schools

If your child goes to school, that is a big part of their life. It is also a good place to start when establishing a long distance parenting relationship. The school is obliged by law to give you information about your child, but may appreciate a donation of stamps in order to post you newsletters etc.

Phone Calls

Hopefully the resident parent will cooperate and allow you and the children to communicate regularly on the phone. With the advent of Skype this can be done inexpensively from anywhere in the world.

Web Cams

You can take this one step further and use a web cam so that you can see each other as well as hear each other.

Social Networking

Your older child may be active on social neworking sites and this is a great way of keeping in frequent contact.

Mobile Phones

It might be appropriate for you to provide a mobile phone for your older child to enable them to contact you any time.

Letter-Writing Kit

You could send your child a letter-writing kit complete with stickers, glue etc. This will make the letter writing process fun and educational for your child and fun for you to receive.

Birthdays and Holidays

Obviously, making a big fuss of birthdays and holidays is a given. You'll want to give a gift and talk on the phone. Hopefully, you'll be able to spend some face to face time with your child.

Long distance parenting is definately a challenge. Overcoming the emotional impact of the situation, and keeping up the parent-child relationship is hard work. But with thought and effort it can be done.