Healing After Divorce

Healing after divorce is something that can be hard to find as the effects can be so damaging. Here I share my personal experience and some ideas to help you find your own healing.

Emotional Contraction

Healing after divorce comes from an understanding that we need to learn to love ourselves again. We probably feel unloved and maybe even unloveable as an important relationship has broken down. A painful break-up causes us to emotionally contract, like a hedgehog rolling up into a ball to protect itself, spines sticking out on all sides; if anyone tries to get too close, they get pricked!

Negative Beliefs

Does that ring true to you? It was certainly true for me; I hated men for a long time after my split and didn't even want to be in the same room as one! I was angry and defensive; and this only got worse as I went through the contact and custody battles with my ex. The beliefs I had about him just got more and more negative and entrenched; and the fight got more and more bitter.

I Am Responsible

I now realise that, although there had been some provocation; I was responsible for my reaction to his behaviour. I responded in a way that only made things worse; with anger and hate. It was really tough to get myself out of that pattern of behaviour, but I am getting there!

Take A Step Back

I think part of the problem of divorce situations is that we are so emotionally involved in it; we're so close to it. It can help to try to look at the situation from the perspective of someone observing from outside. This will enable you hopefully to change your feelings a little. You can see a difficult situation in your minds eye, then gradually move away from the scene as if you were someone watching it happen from a distance. Doing this might help you to see things from a more objective and less emotional viewpoint.

Do You Love Yourself ?

Getting over the emotional damage of divorce will take time, so be kind to yourself. A good way to become aware of your feelings about yourself is mirror work. Stand in front of the mirror and look into your own eyes, how does it feel? Say to yourself "I love and accept you; you're perfect just the way you are." Does saying that phrase make you smile, feel like a liar or cry? If you truly love and accept yourself you will feel a joy well up, if you cry it's because you don't love yourself. Doing this every day will help you to start to love yourself again. Learning to love yourself is the first and most profound step towards healing after divorce.

If you would like some 1 to 1 support with these changes, click through to True Colours Transformations to have a look at their specialist coaching package.