The Emotional Turbulence of Motherhood

Emotional turbulence can often become part of the motherhood experience, as moms have a lot to deal with. Here I talk about some strategies that have helped me to gain a better pospective and a generally calmer and happier family life.

I think one of the main causes for the emotional turbulence of motherhood is the fact that we have such a massive emotional investment in our children. We feel under so much pressure for them to behave like little angels, to reach all their milestones, be socially successful and achieve good grades at school. These expectations are wholely unrealistic and so sooner or later we'll be disappointed. It's no wonder that we at times feel the pressure build up and we explode.

Parents' Loss of Control

I would say that Western societies are very child centred, much more so than in years gone by, and this leads to a degree of loss of control by parents, control which is given to the children. It could be argued that children consider themselves too important, and some even behave as if their parents are their personal servants.

Too Much Responsibility

This is another cause of emotional turbulence. The responsibility of bringing up children used to be borne by the whole community, but now it's mostly put on one person's shoulders: the mom! Not only that, but moms are now expected to work outside the home too! Is it surprising that the stress gets too much?

Too Much Time Pressure

I find the flashpoints are when I'm under time pressure, when the kids or I have to be somewhere at a certain time. These are the moments when the kids tend to move more slowly and require nagging to get them to do anything!

Re-assess Our Expectations

We need to recognise and really understand that every child is an individual. They have their own unique traits, characteristics, habits, talents, strengths and weaknesses. Some of these may clash with your own unique personality, but that is not a reason to get stressed. Try to see that the world needs every kind of person and strength to function. We are made to compliment each other; in couples, in families, in communities and on a global scale. Each person has their own special role to play, using their strengths, talents and skills. If we can accept our child's differences and not compare them to other children, we will have less emotional turbulence!

Multiple Intelligences: Not Just Two!

There is a concept called multiple intelligences which proposes that there actually nine types of intelligence which humans posess, and only two are tested at school. So if your child doesn't do too well at school, there's not an issue; they just need to identify where their strengths lie and nurture those.

Value and Invest in Yourself

I have found that since I started to consciously invest in myself, I am generally a much calmer, more positive and focussed person, and a far better mom. I'm talking about time spent on learning, caring for my body, relaxing and nurturing my spiritual life. We really need to love and value ourselves in order that we can love others.

Give Responsibility

Children need to be given responsibility in order to learn to be responsible. I'm sure we all want our kids to grow up to be responsible adults, so we need to give them the opportunity to learn. Give the children jobs to do around the home according to their age and ability: even toddlers can help tidy up! These responsibilities should increase in importance and complexity as the child grows and matures.

Change Your View

I think we tend to get so emotionally involved in our children's lives that they are almost an extension of our own. I don't believe that to be healthy. Children are individuals, and even from a fairly young age can be taught that they have responsibility for their own choices and behaviour. I definately see the mothers (and fathers) role as the primary teacher of this knowledge. Children are given to us for only a short time to teach and nurture, but ultimately, they are their own people who have to make their own way.

Share The Load

We would benefit from rewinding time a little, to when we were less individualistic and community was more important. But as that's not likely to happen, we need to build our own support networks. These may include grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends.

Be Organised

To avoid the time pressure flashpoints the best way is to organise your time well. I write about this in more detail in my free Stress No More! Report. A good strategy is to make a mental note of the times when you're more likely to get stressed, and pre-empt them in some way.

Emotional turbulence doesn't have to be a constant part of motherhood. With a little thought, understanding and some new choices we can all be happier moms!