The Effects of Parenting Style

The effects of parenting style will be profound; helping to shape, your child's personality and patterns of behaviour and therefore his future wellbeing. Which parenting style is the most beneficial and which shows detrimental effects on childs wellbeing and why?

Exciting New Science

Bruce Lipton, a prominant biologist talks about the new science of epigenetics. We have been taught that we are the victims of our genes; that we can't change what we have inherited genetically. That we inherited our personality, body shape, behaviour patterns and health. Now new research is discovering that this is not true. Our genes are not controlling our health and behaviour, our perceptions and beliefs are. We can actually re-program our genes through changing our beliefs and perceptions.

The Subconscious Mind Is Driving

It is believed that our conscious mind, the part that we're aware of, where our goals and dreams are, is only driving our life 1-5% of the time. Our subconscious mind, which is like a super-powerful recording and playback device, is in charge 95-99% of your life. The most pertinent fact to our topic of the effects of parenting styles is that the subconscious mind is programmed with most of what it will ever be programmed with before the age of six years.

Let's Put Good Stuff In There!

This is why the effects of parenting style are so profound. It's so important how we interact with our young kids because we are programming their subconscious mind with the beliefs about the world and themselves that will stay with them for the rest of their lives, for good or ill. If I say to my four year old son "you're lazy!", that thought is going straight into his subconscious, and his subconscious will then programme his genes to make him lazy. It's like the "self-fulfilling prophesy" we hear spoken of.
Responsiveness and Control

The effects of parenting style vary due to the different degrees of control and responsiveness the parents exhibit.

Permissive = highly responsive, little control

Authoritarian = highly controlling, little responsiveness

Uninvolved = little control, little responsiveness

Authoritative = highly controlling, highly responsive

Control means the degree to which you seek to control and mould your child's behaviour, also referred to as demandingness. The degree to which you are controlling predicts your child's level of self-control in terms of behaviour.

Responsiveness is the degree to which you praise, encourage, affirm and explain things to your child. The degree to which you are responsive to your child is the degree to which they will be socially competent.

Gender Difference

It appears from research that control is more important for the wellbeing of boys than girls. This means that boys need to have parents who expect a lot in order to grow and develop to their potential. Girls do not need this as much. As a mother of three boys I know that if I relax and let them get on with things, the situation can often deteriorate as they don't regulate themselves.

Two-Way Influence

It's helpful to notice that the influence doesn't just travel in one direction in the parent-child relationship; the influence goes both ways. Clearly the parent has a powerful influence on the child, but the child also influences the parent.

I've Been In The Vicious Circle

I know from my own experience that it's easy to get into a downward spiral; I'm grumpy and my son gets stroppy, then I get angry, then he gets more rebellious and so it goes on. Clearly the onus is on the mother to stop this vicious circle by improving her mood and behaviour, but the child's behaviour will likely improve as a result.

Let's look at the effects of parenting style in turn and the outcomes for the children.

Authoritarian Parenting

These children tend to be socially withdrawn and have difficulties forming relationships. They lack self esteem, confidence, sponteneity and curiosity. This is due to the lack of responsiveness from the parents. They tend to do moderately well in school and are unlikely to display anti-social behaviour. They are generally anxious and unhappy and may be estranged from their parents as adults.

Permissive Parenting

These children tend to be impulsive, lack self control and are more likely to engage in anti-social behaviour. They tend to achieve less well at school and have trouble forming relationships. They tend to maintain a good relationship with their parents into adulthood. They lack persistance in challenging tasks and control of their emotions. They are less mature in their behaviour, but more independent than other children. They are generally less happy.

Uninvolved Parenting

In common with children of authoritarian parents, these children are socially withdrawn and lack self esteem. They are not securely emotionally attached to their parents and this leads to confusion and depression. They are more likely to engage in anti-social and/or risky behaviour. They are the worst performing of all the parenting styles.

Authoritative Parenting Style

This parenting style gives the best outcomes. This child is cheerful, self-controlled, lively and self-reliant. The have good self confidence, are achievement orientated and socially successful. They cope well with stress and regulate their emotions well.

The effects of parenting style on the child are wide reaching and profound. We need to examine our own style of parenting and think about what effects that will have on our children's future.