The Affects of Single Parenting

The affects of single parenting are the emotions that often come into play in the single parent scenario. You may feel both positive and negative emotions and this will depend on the circumstances surrounding your single parenting situation. Your child may also feel differently about it. How can we deal with these often negative emotions?

Mothers' Emotions

If you leave an abusive or stifling relationship you will probably feel some relief when that relationship ends and you become a single mom. I certainly felt relief when I left my ex-husband as the relationship was an unhappy one. For me it was a new start and I think that is a healthy way to view it.

Sadness

One of the affects of single parenting might be sadness. It is inevitable to feel a degree of sadness following the breakdown of a relationship. We invariably enter a serious relationship with high hopes so we feel sad when it is over.

Disappointment

There's also likely to be some disappointment that things didn't turn out the way you'd hoped. I know that when I left my first husband I felt a kind of grief for the marriage I'd wanted to have.

Worry

You likely feel worried and anxious:

~about coping alone

~about money

Loneliness

Another of the affects of single parenting could be loneliness. Us humans are social creatures and generally like to be in a pair. So if you're alone you may feel some loneliness. Of course you have your children for company, but adult companionship is wonderful too.

Guilt

Being aware of the negative effects of single parenting on your children may make you feel guilty. We need to remember that what our children go through in their lives they have the strength to overcome, especially with our support. They may just be learning what they need to learn in order to follow their purpose in adult life.

Anger

Another of the affects of single parenting is anger. This is a hard one and was a big issue for me for a long while. If you think you've been wronged it is so easy to get angry at the world; but all you do is damage yourself and those closest to you. I have learned to accept that the situation is as it is, and focus on my life both now and building the life I want to have in the future.

Stress

We feel stressed when the pressure on us becomes too much for us to cope with. This is both a practical and an emotional issue. We need to deal with the practical problems that are causing the stress, and deal with our emotions, which are probably contributing to it too.

Excitement

You might feel an excitement at finally being free, with a whole new life ahead of you!

Fulfillment

Sometimes being in a relationship can feel like a distraction from the motherhood role that may be more important to us. If that is the case for you, then you will likely feel more fulfilled in the single parenting situation as you are able to devote all your energy into mothering.

Confusion

It is fairly likely that you will feel a little confused with many conflicting thoughts and feelings flowing through your mind!

Children's Emotions

Children will also feel the affects of single parenting.

Sadness

Our children will probably feel sad that their two parent family is no more, and they can't see as much of both parents as before. A child's bond to his parents is so important to his understanding of who he is and what his place is in the world, that the split will have a profound impact.

Worry

Our children may be worried that they won't be able to see the non-resident parent any more. We need to reassure them that that is not the case.

Guilt

Children often take on the guilt for what happens to them, clearly wrongly so. Again they will need plenty of reassurance that they are totally innocent of any wrongdoing.

Anger

Our children may feel angry if there wishes are not taken into account when big decisions are taken that affect them.

Relief

Our children may feel relief as we do to get out of an abusive and dangerous situation.

Loneliness

Children may feel lonely. They may have moved away from school and friends leaving them feeling alone.

Question Your Thoughts

A key strategy in the managing of emotions is to question your thoughts; just because you're thinking it doesn't make it true! We all form beliefs during infancy and childhood, but these are often based on misinterpretations of our parents' behaviour. For example we might have a belief like "I'm not important" because our parents didn't give us all the attention we wanted. The thing is that just because our parents often talked to adults and didn't hear us trying to get their attention, we believe deep down that we're not important. We then see all the things that happen to us through the lense of the belief "I'm not important". We may have many of these "limiting beliefs" buried deep in our subconscious. Therefore, what we need to do is question our thoughts, take them with a pinch of salt, and we may just find that the negative feelings start to wane. Marci Shimoff goes into this strategy in great detail in her book: Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out

The affects of single parenting are a mix of emotions, some positive, some negative. We can start to take some control over our emotions rather than have them control us, then we can start to build the lives we really want.